How to Suck Your Own Cock

[Disclaimer: I’m going to leave it to your imagination to decide whether I’ve done this, whether I’m doing it right now as I type this, or whether I’ve simply researched the subject thoroughly in other ways.]

First and foremost, it helps like hell to have a long cock. Think about it. If you’re 5’4, and you have a 3’ cock, it’ll be easy as pie to reach your pie-hole with that beast. I mean, if it’s proportionate, you might not be able to fit your mouth around it… but you’ll sure as fuck be able to REACH. You can lick your own crown, tongue your pee-hole, whatever. You can make it work.

The longer your cock, the easier time you’ll have reaching it with your mouth.

For most guys, that alone won’t do the trick. For most of us, we’d need to use some special maneuvers.

One of the ways is to lie flat on your back, then to raise your legs up until they’re perpendicular to the ground, then to keep moving them forward until you’re resting mostly on your shoulders, and your waist is above your face. Open your mouth, pull your own hips forward, and try to carefully work that cock into your mouth. Don’t jerk when you pull, and don’t pull so hard that you strain/pull a muscle or damage your back.

This is something that you don’t want to cripple yourself over.

If you can get any part of it in your mouth at all, it might well be just the tip. That’s okay–use it. Suck on it, tease it with your tongue, and so forth. This should help you get longer and harder, and maybe get more of it into your mouth.

Again, don’t hurt yourself. I’d hate for anybody to try to sue me over this, and I don’t think that anybody would come out of the trial looking very good.

If that simply doesn’t do it for you, if you can’t get your own cock in your own mouth, then you’ll have to try something different.

Method #2 is to sit on a couch, with your hips as close to the edge of the couch as possible. You want to be perched on the frame, and then you want to curl forward and down to bring your mouth closer to the target. It helps if you’re dealing with a Hard target, so feel free to play with yourself and such. Just don’t use any funny-tasting lube.

Next, reach both arms down and grab the bottom of the couch. Pull yourself gently forward. Again, don’t jerk. Again, don’t hurt yourself. But pull yourself down cautiously and steadily. If necessary, use one arm to maintain the force needed to hold the position, and use one hand to position your cock closer to your mouth.

If nothing else, you should be able to lick the tip.

A large belly is a problem here, because it means you can’t curl up the right way. That’s why Ron Jeremy can’t suck his own dick anymore–his belly gets in the way. That’s a tragedy, because it was once his claim to fame, his signature trick. If that happens to you, the only thing to do is to lose weight and slim down.

Method #3 is similar to #2, but more horizontal. This time, you need to get into a bathtub (or similar structure), and put your knees over the side of the tub. Your spine should be perpendicular to the tub, sideways from how you normally (I presume) lie in a bathtub. If you have hot water in the tub, that might make things loosen up and make you more limber, but it also might make it harder to stay hard. Use your own judgment on that.

You want to again curl up. You want to have the backs of your thighs against the side of the tub, and you want to grab the outside of the tub with your hands, to pull yourself forward and down so that your mouth lines up with your goal. Again, this position is very much like #2.

If and when you get there, when you finally get your cock in your mouth, it probably won’t be all that satisfying. It’ll probably be a bit like tickling yourself–being on both ends of the sensation will mute the experience for you. But there are guys who come this way, and that’s another issue you’ll have to deal with. Do you want to come in your own mouth?

That’s something you might not know until the moment arrives.

If/when you get your cock in your mouth, it’s not going to be an ideal position. The upside of your tongue will be on the upside of your cock, not on the more sensitive underside. You’ll have to use your arms to do a lot of the work, pulling yourself forward and back, so you can fuck your own cock with your mouth (the head is going to be doing most of the movement in any of these positions). Sometimes it might help to pull the loose skin that covers your cock forward, to get more of it into your mouth, into the reach of your tongue.

If you succeed in all of this, you might not come the first time. You might have a back or neck ache. Again, be careful. With sufficient practice, though, and horniness you might well be able to finish this way, to come in your own mouth. You probably won’t like the taste, although that’s subject to the individual.

Needless to say, don’t worry about whether or not this makes you gay–it doesn’t, not any more than using your own hand to jack yourself off makes you gay. Homosexuality is all about what you do (and how you feel) about other people, not what you do to yourself. I hope by this point in history, men wouldn’t worry about that sort of thing, but I’m adding this disclaimer anyway: Sucking your own cock–even swallowing your own semen–does not make you gay in any way.

I mean, you’re still a filthy pervert, but that’s a separate issue.